IT'S ME WHO SAYS WHAT I WANT AND WHAT I LIKE! For the harmed ones, for therapists, for everyone ...

An extremely important and constantly current topic: Emily Nagoski speaks of "unwanted arousal" and “arousal nonconcordance” on Ted Talk. That is - in simplified terms - a situation in which the physiological reaction of a given person (such as, for example, vaginal hydration) is inconsistent with her/his subjective experience of pleasure and desire. An example may be a situation in which a woman feels a strong desire, but this is not reflected in the level of her hydration or vice versa - a woman is not interested in sex, and the vaginal wetting is significant.


Emily explains how it is possible - it's due to related, but independent systems in the so-called "reward system" in the brain (which is active in different situations, not only related to sex). The first system is "liking", which evaluates the stimulus in terms of whether it suits us or not (this system is activated, for example, when we give a newborn sugar water 😊). The second system is "wanting", which motivates us to move forward a given stimulus or avoid it. And the third is "learning" - learning the connection between the stimulus and the reaction (like the Pavlov’s dog – salivation at the bell didn’t mean that the dog wanted the bell or that he liked it!).


So, even though we are a "psychophysical unity", the situations where the head and body speak something completely different are quite common and we finally know the neurological basis of such situations. This is yet another argument in favor of stating, that in situations of such incompatibility, the final voice has the person. So, once again, "NO means NO" and "YES means YES". So let's remember that genital response is nothing but a response to a sex-related stimulus and does not necessarily mean that this stimulus was desirable or pleasant!


Emily emphasizes that we can apply this knowledge in our everyday life as well as while meeting people who have been abused and whose bodies have reacted with arousal. Her speech made a great impression on me and I encourage you to look at it. Emily speaks quite quickly, but under the video there is a transcription, you can read or have it translated by Google.

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